Moving is done!

All future entries can be found at http://zerotowonderland.wordpress.com
There's a shiny new entry to welcome you ^.^

Merry Christmas, Happy Yule, I'm moving!

I hope everyone is having a blessed holiday. I've got, as usual, a ton going on and plans for tons more :D
This blog is moving to wordpress as soon as I'm comfortably familiar with the interface and satisfied with the layout. Exporting the previous posts is already done. Am proud :D
I'm also starting a music venue/artist/DJ/Itookpicsofmedancingsomewhere blog on wordpress.

I really think the new year is going to be amazing and I hope it is for all of you.
*kisses*

Today I built...

This is an interior view of what will be The Rabid Pixie. 'But Tormie, what's The Rabid Pixie?'
I'm so glad you asked!
The Rabid Pixie, name courtesy of the stunning Amaranthim Talon, will be a novelty shop, of sorts. If you're familiar with 'Spencer's' in the U.S. you'll get some idea. Only there will be some furniture and other contraptions along with 'racier' (read: sex toys) gifts and clothing.
It's a modest sized build, with a few nooks. Styled a bit like a tiny castle (thank you 'Jaycee Tearfall' for the awesome textures!) with a simple wooden stair and barred windows. Sort of gives it a dungeon-y feel.
It is a very simple build, at present. Not very complicated at all, but I'm still patting myself on the back for completing the main build in less than a day.
Decorating will follow and products are being...erm...field tested as Research and Development are extremely important ^.^

On the burning of bridges

It sucks, but sometimes it's necessary to enable us to move on and enjoy the things that bring us joy.
It sucks, but it's the right thing, even if it hurts and the anger and confusion wells up and all you want to do is scream, "Why are you such a fucking coward? Why wasn't I good enough? Why weren't you good enough?"
It sucks, but 'in time' the pain and insecurity fades away and you don't feel like you did something wrong when you know you weren't even given the chance to.
It sucks.
It sucks.
It sucks.

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!

Fooled you! It's not really on fire, but what it is, is finished. All done. Ktxbai.

I don't have anything else to really say about it. It's done. *dances*
Doors next and maybe some ornamentation and I might can call this build 'almost done'. Go me ^.^

So, Tormie, what the heck are you up to?

I haven't posted in weeks! This is terrible, but I swear there's a good reason.
Two or three of them, actually.
In addition to the sim continent I'm planning, I've come up with...something big. Like, gigantic. That I can't talk about, yet. But it's exciting! And new! and omg, when I get to thinking about it I just sort of bounce and squee and then my brain fizzles at the vast amount of work in front of me. So, yea. That's one. Also, one that I AM going to talk about is pretty large, and I'm not sure where I'm going with it, yet, but it's a 'I must build' sort of thing.
Off and on I've been playing this kinda crappy (yet addictive and time eating) vampire/lycan game on the interwebs. It got me thinking about my time in Bloodlines in SL and the relationships and plain old fun I had with my clan members. I really enjoyed the clan aspect of it, but really couldn't have cared less about the minions and whatnot. Well, I do like minions, but you know what I mean.
Anyway! Reminiscing on the community and RP aspects, I got to thinking about some of the sims my clans used to utilize for the 'family' and I had several thoughts "Yanno, I could build a vampire sim." "I want to do vampire RP again" "Oh, look! Skittles!"
You get the idea. Well, I guess *I* got the idea. So, in one of my sandbox grids, a vamp sim is being born.
What I'm doing today though, is building a hospital. For another RP sim that isn't mine. Here's a pic of the build site. Don't laugh at my ambulance, I needed something for scale :D
Ok...you can laugh. I keep giggling at it.

Itty Bitty Gothic Prefab of Almost Doneness \o/

We still lack a front step, but the build is otherwise complete.

Second floor Balcony of Awesome Balconyness

Stair of Spiralyness

Trapdoor of Trappyness ^.^

Houston, we have a problem. I can't package it and sell it. I've tried it in a box and in a rezzer and the problem I'm having is that everything scripted (all the doors of Epic Dooryness - trapdoor and cell included) only stay positioned and open and close properly if the castle is oriented to face north. I've tried linking the doors and unlinking the doors and repositioning and resetting the scripts and I just don't know what else to do. I'm guessing there's some voodoo script magic I'm supposed to do here, but uhm...I'm proud I got scripts in the doors.
So, cute lil castle, almost ready for anyone who only wants to live facing north x.x
Perhaps a voodoo script magic faerie will descend upon me while I'm finishing the stair and modding textures for the second floor.

Super Quick Squee Blog!

Among the items I've been waiting for Emo-tions to bring over from the old world, the combat kilt was a mainstay in my SL wardrobe. So versatile and so hot. One of the first articles of clothing I bought when I got serious about being 'in'.
Totally made the girly squee noise when I found it.
That's all.
Oh! Castle update: OMG it's almost done! Just needs doors. *dances* So exciting. Pics later ^.^

Itty Bitty Gothic Prefab

So, last night I was laying on the floor fiddling with prims and though "Hey, why not a castle?" So I roughed one out, there on the floor. Teeny little prim castle. When it was 'done' I dragged it up to my junk drawer...erm, building platform and made it big. Well, that was not good. I didn't want a bunch of megaprims and when I stretched up so the max size of prim was 10 meters, the area between the ceilings and floors was like, 2 meters.
Not even sure tinies would've wanted to squeeze in there. So, I scrapped it and started over with bigger prims, scaled to me. I'm kinda short, as most are aware (I think 6' 1'' is plenty tall, but eh, whatevs) so maybe the ceilings are still a little low, but it's my Itty Bitty Gothic Prefab and I love it.

Here is a front view. Notice there are no windows. I realize not having windows is a security measure, but there's also a big old balcony (unfinished) on the second floor. It's my Itty Gothic Prefab; it'll be windowless yet insecure if I want it to be. Stairs also unfinished (read: nonexistent), but with the exception of those and the balcony - OH! and lack of door - everything inside and out is finished and textured (I'm shocked, too).

Comfy dungeon with owner-lockable cell. Awesome!


Second floor, much the same as the first floor/entry level.


And the roof with wicked neat turret-y things.

I haven't worked out travel between levels. The footprint of the house is roughly 20x25 meters, so it really is 'itty'. Am percolating ideas for stairs, but may wimp out and use floor to floor teleporters. Will see. Also, I'm already having ideas for my Godawfulbig Gothic Prefab Castle ^.^

This is not SL!

Built like a brick sh...Victorian

Quickie post to show off the progress of the Vickys. After struggling with actually finding natural sidings and attempting to texture Vicky Green with them, I had a brainstorm *ding*. There are totally brick Victorian houses. And I knew this, but the vision of the finished home always had siding. I dunno. I'm slow to change ^.^
Given that, though the houses tend to be just as - if not more in some cases - ornate as their wooden counterparts, yet relatively 'flatter' and less sprawling, I did some adjusting on some of the walls. Where floors tended to jut out a bit, I deleted here and there and shuffled prims around. One room lost a window and a little bit of space, but it's all flowing together nicely, still, I think.
I am giving myself a challenge! Since the only real work left now is roofing, I'm giving myself 3 days (yes, three!) to finish this version of the house (after only *cough5cough* months).
It would be absolutely fantastic to get the other three versions textured and planted and landscaped by December 1, and I'm going to keep that in mind, but I've committed to the Christmas Hunt and the prizes for that have 10 days to manifest ^.^ (omg deadlines!)

Here is Vicky G in her unfinished but way more textured glory.

One Step at a Time

For the cool cat who's buildin' a world so I can build my own.

One Step at a Time
by Joseph Morris

In the morning with the journey all before us on the road,
It takes courage to begin, that is sure;
For the first step is the hardest, and we always think the load
May be greater than we've power to endure.
When the first mile lies behind us we can say, "Now that is done,
And the second and the third will soon be past."
So we trudge on through the noontime, and the setting of the sun
Finds us coming to our stopping-place at last.

When a man would climb a mountain he's appalled to see the length
Of the slope that reaches up into the sky;
But he starts, and with the climbing he will find he's gained the strength
To attain the very top, however high.
For the climbing of a mountain takes but one step at a time--
Who has courage to do that will reach the goal;
He will stand upon Life's summit and will know that joy sublime
Which is his alone who dares to prove his soul.

Presents for me and a little exploring

As I was wrestling with the MLP on my gazebo and getting a bit irritated, I took a look at myself and though "Self, you need some new hair." Shopping makes me less irritated, so I agreed with me and off I went to seek new hairs at Emo-tions. Found some! Also found a lovely new pink outfit that I had to have.

With new hair on head, I debated going back to work, but eh, didn't feel like it and after a discussion about RP sims with a friend, I realized I hadn't been to see Hawk and Raivynn's Falcon Crest Village since it had gone through a rebuild.
Wow. Sooo pretty and just begging picture taking.


I'm a huge fan of flowers everywhere and they are all over the place. Tons of intimate little settings are sprinkled about the area amongst flowers and trees.


I wandered around for a while and came across the bathhouse. Not needing a bath, I didn't take one, so no pics of that; sorry ^.^ I freshened up a bit and rolled on.


Ohh, fresh fruits and veggies. They looked so yummy and no one was around...I may or may not have shoplifted a bit here and enjoyed a shiny, red apple.


Possibly feeling guilty after a little criminal behavior, the tavern I sought refuge in seemed a good place to nap. They might want to see about a bartender who knows when to cut a girl off.

Just for a moment, but not just for today.

I couldn't do anything but stand and look and feel and that's all that needed to be done.

Two, two, two blogs today!

After much swearing and some crashes, I've finally managed to shove two couples anims into the gazebo and they're working where they ought to. My balls aren't flying off into space somewhere after I reset the scripts. (This is where you say 'Yay, Tormie!')

Here are my alt and me.

Isn't he a handsome thing? No idea why he's bald. He has hair. I think he's sulking because I haven't been working on sexy furniture for a while.
Anyways! After searching high and low Inworldz and not finding any full perms or copy/trans couple dances, I lamented to my dear friend Amaranthim who reminded me of the TGIB blog. I have mentioned this blog before. Oh em gee. What a fantastic resource and a really touching blog. Google Thunder Grapes I Beckon if you haven't heard.
Not only did I get three great couple anims that are perfect for My Little Gothic Gazebo, I spotted some great model poses that will make my picture taking Inworldz super, duper awesome.
Oh, and what the heck am I wearing? It's another cutie holiday outfit by Dark Langdon. There's even a lil beret ^.^ I suspect he'll be advertising on the forum soon. Watch for 'em!

I can do anything that I want, 'cause look...

Since I found my way to Inworldz I've been making. A lot. I make this and that; the sorts of things I would like and think people would like to have. So always when I'm working, I'm thinking, if I were not me, would I want this enough to buy it? Is it good enough? I scrap stuff and start over a LOT and I only build or mess with drawing things when I feel like it. I produce a fraction of what I actually start, but I'm always thinking, thinking 'if I were not me, would I want this?'
Last night I was watching my favorite anime (the best anime EVER!!!) and I was inspired to make. I made something that has nothing to do with anything. It isn't made with anyone but me in mind. I made something that's not perfect. The top has horridly matched seams on the sides and the skirt doesn't even have the most basic of texturing, but the sword is badass and I feel AWESOME. It's all for me, 'cause I can do anything that I want.
I made a quickie pose in QA to show off my sword handlin' abilities and will make more poses. Must commune with my zanpakuto, after all. (That's not nearly as dirty as it sounds)
So, here, look!

My Little Gothic Gazebo

My Little Gothic Gazebo is my first gazebo of any kind. I like gazebos and they're very useful, but I always figured if I really, really needed a gazebo, I could find one pretty easily so I never said 'Hey, I reckon I'll make a gazebo, today.'
This was an accident. While drooling over my new textures from Twisted Thorn I discovered the lacy, leafy brassy textures that I imagine are meant for gates and whatnot and thought, that'd make a neat dome, much like the one on this gazebo which I would also love to make a version of with the stony, viny pillars that support the intricate metal dome.
I slapped that sucker on a half sphere prim and said 'Oooh, tha's nice' and My Little Gothic Gazebo was born.
Now that My Little Gothic Gazebo is a gazebo and not just a half sphere prim, I am wrestling with MLP to make it menu driven. Tedious work, but not as tedious as animations, so I plug along 'cause I'd much rather be doing this than that O.O
I can't wait to plop a couple of these suckers on the ground among the billions (ok, tens) of trees. Not sure but they might be nice additions to the house parcels. Will have to see when the houses are done. Anyone wanna kick the house building fairies in gear and get them on that?

I promised! I did some stuff and then I got thinky.

Trees. Oh em gee. Do I ever have some trees. I spent the last several hours placing 5 different types of the most perfect trees I'd found on my tree search and then decided I needed more.
That is one of the first things I envisioned for Della Luna. Lots and lots of trees. BIG trees. Lots of big trees.
After planting one of the newest trees in a few spots I had a Great Big Idea. Aka "WTH was I thinking when I put the home parcels all high up in the air?"
So, mid-planting, I started terraforming. The sim should have a much smoother look now, but I've gone and changed the entire future of the continent. Oi.
That got me to thinking, too. When I started this blog, it was with the words 'future of my Wonderland themed sims'. That hasn't changed, but what does it mean? Anyone at all familiar with Alice's world definitely has an idea, and probably can conjure up all sorts of imagery when they think 'Wonderland'. I know I do, but I'm not sure it's what people are expecting. When I say theme and as I'm working on This and That and folding it all together into a Thing. I am trying to express a feeling. What is Wonderland?
For me, above all, it's beauty. It's everything. Everything beautiful, only sort of strange. Maybe a little wrong. Like looking at a thing with your head tilted at 90 degrees. You know what you're looking at. You've seen it before, but maybe your eyes go a little buggy because this perspective isn't quite right. You want to reach out and turn the thing, but you can't because it's already exactly as it should be. It's you that needs fixing.
Wonderland is a reflection of us at 90 degrees. It's a little dark, and a little wrong, but it's ultimate beauty when we see it for what it is. When we see that it's not what we're looking at but how we're looking at it that makes all the difference, we are making real and unreal irrelevant.
In Wonderland, some things are too big, some things are too small and some things are just right, but they're all just exactly what they are.
I don't want to create an environment that is a caricature. I don't want a cartoon. On Della Luna and the future Della Luna 'fantasy' estates, you won't find ostensibly dark and twisty imagery. (At least not until the castles are built on future sims)
You're going to be surrounded by the feeling I have when I tilt my head right side up again and see things as they want to be seen; what they are.

There is certainly a lot of work to be done, but just look at these trees ^.^

That's all there is and there isn't anymore...I think. Maybe...

I don't know. I think I might be done. Giving up. Throwing in the towel. Poking the fat lady 'til she sings. I thought I could do this, but I look around in awe at all these amazing people around me. Don't measure up? I'm not even worthy of the same ruler. Not 'creatively' or 'professionally' or 'personally'. Some women are Mona Lisa, I'm finger paints.
I can't stay motivated, can't stay healthy, can't stay happy. I don't feel like doing anything. Care about something for a minute and then just burn out. Like, something will fire me up and I'll feel so strong and ready and then, I just sit and ache. If it's not physical pain, it's emotional and I think it's got me all broken.
So I've never been a 'social butterfly'. I still need people sometimes. Need to be around them and to laugh and play and think less. People even seem to like me a little, and that's really nice. I like lots of people, too. So, I'm lonely because...?
I'm just missing something. Everything just seems so damn hard. I don't know. I think I'm too much work. Or maybe I'm doing too much work. I am chasing, and that just doesn't sit well with me. Why do I have to do the work? If I want to be around people I enjoy being around, I have to go after them. Invite them, stalk them, prod them. Whatever. I hate it. I hate bothering people and I hate being incomplete so people won't know that I'm really not cool and I'm not really fun and I'm probably in tears even though they're seeing me smile. I hate feeling like if I stayed or went it really wouldn't matter. That sure, folks are happy to see me and some would even love to get in my pants, but if I wasn't around there would be someone as good or better to take my place. Probably better.
I ache with all this inside me and it can never come out. There isn't a place for it. Not in real life, not in SL, not in IW. How many other places can I put myself out there and find out the same thing? There isn't a place for me anywhere. So I think I just want to log out.
And then I get an IM, lol. How are you feeling? And I laugh, and I'm bawling and laughing at the same time and I think how stupid I am for being so down and selfish and self-involved and I wonder how long that feeling will last.
I hate whining and whiny people. I don't wanna be a whiny person. I don't want to quit but I don't know if I can find enough reasons to stay. I don't even know what the hell I'm looking for so I probably should just shut the hell up.
I can't seem to do that, either. Will practice.

Ten of my reasons for staying Inworldz

I can't put into words how important this is for me. So, just a pic, tonight.
Taken at Roadhouse on Southern Comfort.