Two, two, two blogs today!

After much swearing and some crashes, I've finally managed to shove two couples anims into the gazebo and they're working where they ought to. My balls aren't flying off into space somewhere after I reset the scripts. (This is where you say 'Yay, Tormie!')

Here are my alt and me.

Isn't he a handsome thing? No idea why he's bald. He has hair. I think he's sulking because I haven't been working on sexy furniture for a while.
Anyways! After searching high and low Inworldz and not finding any full perms or copy/trans couple dances, I lamented to my dear friend Amaranthim who reminded me of the TGIB blog. I have mentioned this blog before. Oh em gee. What a fantastic resource and a really touching blog. Google Thunder Grapes I Beckon if you haven't heard.
Not only did I get three great couple anims that are perfect for My Little Gothic Gazebo, I spotted some great model poses that will make my picture taking Inworldz super, duper awesome.
Oh, and what the heck am I wearing? It's another cutie holiday outfit by Dark Langdon. There's even a lil beret ^.^ I suspect he'll be advertising on the forum soon. Watch for 'em!

I can do anything that I want, 'cause look...

Since I found my way to Inworldz I've been making. A lot. I make this and that; the sorts of things I would like and think people would like to have. So always when I'm working, I'm thinking, if I were not me, would I want this enough to buy it? Is it good enough? I scrap stuff and start over a LOT and I only build or mess with drawing things when I feel like it. I produce a fraction of what I actually start, but I'm always thinking, thinking 'if I were not me, would I want this?'
Last night I was watching my favorite anime (the best anime EVER!!!) and I was inspired to make. I made something that has nothing to do with anything. It isn't made with anyone but me in mind. I made something that's not perfect. The top has horridly matched seams on the sides and the skirt doesn't even have the most basic of texturing, but the sword is badass and I feel AWESOME. It's all for me, 'cause I can do anything that I want.
I made a quickie pose in QA to show off my sword handlin' abilities and will make more poses. Must commune with my zanpakuto, after all. (That's not nearly as dirty as it sounds)
So, here, look!

My Little Gothic Gazebo

My Little Gothic Gazebo is my first gazebo of any kind. I like gazebos and they're very useful, but I always figured if I really, really needed a gazebo, I could find one pretty easily so I never said 'Hey, I reckon I'll make a gazebo, today.'
This was an accident. While drooling over my new textures from Twisted Thorn I discovered the lacy, leafy brassy textures that I imagine are meant for gates and whatnot and thought, that'd make a neat dome, much like the one on this gazebo which I would also love to make a version of with the stony, viny pillars that support the intricate metal dome.
I slapped that sucker on a half sphere prim and said 'Oooh, tha's nice' and My Little Gothic Gazebo was born.
Now that My Little Gothic Gazebo is a gazebo and not just a half sphere prim, I am wrestling with MLP to make it menu driven. Tedious work, but not as tedious as animations, so I plug along 'cause I'd much rather be doing this than that O.O
I can't wait to plop a couple of these suckers on the ground among the billions (ok, tens) of trees. Not sure but they might be nice additions to the house parcels. Will have to see when the houses are done. Anyone wanna kick the house building fairies in gear and get them on that?

I promised! I did some stuff and then I got thinky.

Trees. Oh em gee. Do I ever have some trees. I spent the last several hours placing 5 different types of the most perfect trees I'd found on my tree search and then decided I needed more.
That is one of the first things I envisioned for Della Luna. Lots and lots of trees. BIG trees. Lots of big trees.
After planting one of the newest trees in a few spots I had a Great Big Idea. Aka "WTH was I thinking when I put the home parcels all high up in the air?"
So, mid-planting, I started terraforming. The sim should have a much smoother look now, but I've gone and changed the entire future of the continent. Oi.
That got me to thinking, too. When I started this blog, it was with the words 'future of my Wonderland themed sims'. That hasn't changed, but what does it mean? Anyone at all familiar with Alice's world definitely has an idea, and probably can conjure up all sorts of imagery when they think 'Wonderland'. I know I do, but I'm not sure it's what people are expecting. When I say theme and as I'm working on This and That and folding it all together into a Thing. I am trying to express a feeling. What is Wonderland?
For me, above all, it's beauty. It's everything. Everything beautiful, only sort of strange. Maybe a little wrong. Like looking at a thing with your head tilted at 90 degrees. You know what you're looking at. You've seen it before, but maybe your eyes go a little buggy because this perspective isn't quite right. You want to reach out and turn the thing, but you can't because it's already exactly as it should be. It's you that needs fixing.
Wonderland is a reflection of us at 90 degrees. It's a little dark, and a little wrong, but it's ultimate beauty when we see it for what it is. When we see that it's not what we're looking at but how we're looking at it that makes all the difference, we are making real and unreal irrelevant.
In Wonderland, some things are too big, some things are too small and some things are just right, but they're all just exactly what they are.
I don't want to create an environment that is a caricature. I don't want a cartoon. On Della Luna and the future Della Luna 'fantasy' estates, you won't find ostensibly dark and twisty imagery. (At least not until the castles are built on future sims)
You're going to be surrounded by the feeling I have when I tilt my head right side up again and see things as they want to be seen; what they are.

There is certainly a lot of work to be done, but just look at these trees ^.^

That's all there is and there isn't anymore...I think. Maybe...

I don't know. I think I might be done. Giving up. Throwing in the towel. Poking the fat lady 'til she sings. I thought I could do this, but I look around in awe at all these amazing people around me. Don't measure up? I'm not even worthy of the same ruler. Not 'creatively' or 'professionally' or 'personally'. Some women are Mona Lisa, I'm finger paints.
I can't stay motivated, can't stay healthy, can't stay happy. I don't feel like doing anything. Care about something for a minute and then just burn out. Like, something will fire me up and I'll feel so strong and ready and then, I just sit and ache. If it's not physical pain, it's emotional and I think it's got me all broken.
So I've never been a 'social butterfly'. I still need people sometimes. Need to be around them and to laugh and play and think less. People even seem to like me a little, and that's really nice. I like lots of people, too. So, I'm lonely because...?
I'm just missing something. Everything just seems so damn hard. I don't know. I think I'm too much work. Or maybe I'm doing too much work. I am chasing, and that just doesn't sit well with me. Why do I have to do the work? If I want to be around people I enjoy being around, I have to go after them. Invite them, stalk them, prod them. Whatever. I hate it. I hate bothering people and I hate being incomplete so people won't know that I'm really not cool and I'm not really fun and I'm probably in tears even though they're seeing me smile. I hate feeling like if I stayed or went it really wouldn't matter. That sure, folks are happy to see me and some would even love to get in my pants, but if I wasn't around there would be someone as good or better to take my place. Probably better.
I ache with all this inside me and it can never come out. There isn't a place for it. Not in real life, not in SL, not in IW. How many other places can I put myself out there and find out the same thing? There isn't a place for me anywhere. So I think I just want to log out.
And then I get an IM, lol. How are you feeling? And I laugh, and I'm bawling and laughing at the same time and I think how stupid I am for being so down and selfish and self-involved and I wonder how long that feeling will last.
I hate whining and whiny people. I don't wanna be a whiny person. I don't want to quit but I don't know if I can find enough reasons to stay. I don't even know what the hell I'm looking for so I probably should just shut the hell up.
I can't seem to do that, either. Will practice.

Ten of my reasons for staying Inworldz

I can't put into words how important this is for me. So, just a pic, tonight.
Taken at Roadhouse on Southern Comfort.

Mrrrrow

Omgosh, I missed hunting! I think I'm nearly through the Halloween Hunt and I'll be bloggin' my goodies over the weekend, but I had to show this off.
I believe I have found my Halloween costume (possibly what I'll wear for the majority of the month ^.^)
This is Mmmeow in black from Deviant. I swear I barely escaped that sim with wallet intact.
The suit is a skin and prim ears and I am happy to report I still look mostly like me :D


Mmm, shiny.