Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't." -- Eleanor Roosevel

This quote is in my IW profile, along with some others that express facets o' me in words I could never find. I haven't thought about what it means in some time.

I've been told more than once that I have a 'strong personality'. I think that's just a nice way of saying 'bitch'. Sometimes that's a pretty accurate assessment. I acknowledge it, but I don't pride myself on it. It is what it is.

Recently, I've been very frustrated, feeling like what I have to say is unheard, unimportant. I had begun devaluing myself and questioning my own principles and my tendency to, well, talk a lot. I say a lot of words that, to me, seem very important at the time. Sometimes I worry, slightly, about their reception, but I try not to allow myself to hold back. Or I was trying. I don't care much about criticism. No one can possibly be more critical of me than I am. What I can't stand is a void. The sense that what I have to say is being lost in the ether.

This past week, I had nearly decided to just stop talking. I was ready to shut myself up on my sim and not post on the forum and not visit the populated places. I felt I was watching some folks become so disenchanted with Inworldz because of a few voices that are not at all representative of what I've come to call my home, all the while I was trying to express that they were not representative.

My frustration stemmed from watching calls for limitation after limitation of the vast freedom we as virtual residents enjoy. From watching people wanting to limit my freedom. Calls for rule after rule to tell us how adults should treat and interact with other adults. Calls to make someone else responsible for our successes or failures. I cannot accept this. So, I talked. Precisely and directly, 'cause that's what I do. But the frustration didn't ease. Very few heard me. Some I spoke directly to blatantly ignored what I had to say.

So I was going to be quiet. The frustration is painful and I don't like hurty things. I don't like feeling helpless and that I'm wasting my time. I was going to allow myself to be a victim. I was prepared to sit back and watch. I was tired.

This morning I saw my quote in someone else's profile. That was a jolt. I thought, WTF is wrong with me? If I'm not using my voice when I feel something is wrong, wtf do I have to complain about? In the grand scheme, I'm really nobody special, but I am what I am. And what I am and what I have to say are equally as valuable as anyone else and what they have to say.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right"

It would be wrong for me to stop talking. It would be wrong for me to stop being myself because of the limitations others place on themselves. If someone doesn't 'get it' now, maybe they will later.

I have to remind myself that some people do hear me and some agree and feel much the same way I do about things and will express similar ideas in their own way. I need to let go of that bit of ego that makes me want to scream 'but I just SAID that' when that happens.

What is right for me is to use my voice when I am moved to do so, and hope that I am listening to those of others. Both are tough commitments to make, but I think I'll manage. After all, I have a strong personality.